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Is overwhelm stopping you from taking action?
I’m Cora Naylor – Certified Co-Active Coach and Emotion Code Practitioner.
Being an Empty Nester can be overwhelming. During this time there can be a lot going on within you and demands outside of you from family and others. To give us some tips about how to get past the overwhelm I’ve invited Lauren Weinberg to join us today.
Lauren is a National Board Certified Health and Wellness Coach and certified happiness coach with a background as a psychologist and family therapist. Busy, achievement focused women all benefit from coaching with Lauren to design a life that works so they can minimize stress and maximize loving their life. As a speaker, she inspires people, with humor and playfulness, to create healthy habits of body, mind, and spirit to fuel their personal and business success. Welcome Lauren!
Lauren: Hi Cora so nice to be with you thank you for having me. Cora: Oh great, I'm excited to learn some more. I'm sure everyone's gonna want to know some tips for overwhelm it's so easy to get into that phase these days. Lauren: we're all way too familiar with that feeling in the last three months. Cora: Right. so you titled the conversation “overwhelmed to purposeful action”. So what does overwhelm look like in general, and maybe some ways that empty nesters can deal with that in particular. Lauren: Yes, thank you for asking me that. So when I work with people I try to be mindful of working with them body, mind and spirit and so I like to take this topic on the same way. So first I recommend that you just check in with your body to find out if you're feeling overwhelmed. Most of us, even if we're in our head, a lot of the time, if you slow down, and we ask ourselves the question, What am I feeling. can actually identify maybe a place in their body where they're feeling nervous or tense, or clenching or tight and you can almost touch that place in your body. you know it might be your hands or your throat. You feel tight or your chest. So you could actually get in touch with that feeling that's in your body. and that's a real cue for you that something is going on. That maybe you feeling like you can't handle. And what it's doing in our bodies, that sensation that something is going on. That's more than I can handle. that's which is just a story you're telling yourself. we'll talk about that in a sec. it actually releases chemicals from your brain into your body. So it's releasing those stress chemicals or stress hormone, cortisol, or adrenaline. And that's the stuff that really makes us feel lousy just feels terrible. And it's not good for our bodies either. it's important that we first just be able to identify that feeling. That's body. And it's important to to be in touch with our body because our bodies really go over energy you know where those feel good chemicals can also come from if you can get on top of this feeling. And then our mind. Our mind is where all of our enthusiasm comes from. so if we're feeling overwhelmed, we're experiencing things that are going on in our life as stress. That's going to interfere with our ability to feel enthusiastic and excited about what's in our life, and maybe be able to think clearly about how to approach whatever the situation is. So, getting in touch with one whatever is happening in our minds at that moment. what is it that's feeling stressful what might be the circumstances surrounding overwhelm. that's also going to be key to trying to figure out what to do next about it. And then your spirit to me is all about connection. it's all about relationship to self and to others. And so, you know, also checking in with your spirit with maybe how might this feeling of overwhelm be affecting relationships. so sometimes that might be the first thing that you notice, and then you can treat that. Then go look at your body and your mind. but sometimes you find yourself snapping at people you love and not even really being aware of what triggered that. So that's the cue that something is going on. Also that might be overwhelm. so just looking for these cues body, mind and spirit. And, you know, again it comes from a series of circumstances that your mind, your body, your ability to connect with others is telling you that you aren't capable of coping with in that moment. I'm not saying that's true. But that's where it comes from that experience. Cora: I think it's really important for like to say to take that step back because often we're so busy doing things being busy. And then we don't even take the time to step back and really look at what is going on and what is real is it really overwhelm. what can we get to change and kind of in that vein, you know, what are some practices that people can do to feel more in control if they're feeling overwhelmed. Lauren: I think you need to first recognize the feeling. just acknowledge and recognize the feeling. if it's in your body that just to notice- okay I'm feeling tense, I'm feeling nervous, I'm feeling tight. And I think this is overwhelm. This is me feeling overwhelm. even nurturing yourself. having self compassion for wherever, whatever it is that you're feeling almost like touching that spot. Tara Brock is so wonderful. I don't know if you know Tara, but I highly recommend everybody looking her up. She talks about just saying this too belongs. if you're having a feeling – this too belongs it's not about trying to get rid of the feeling as much as it is to acknowledge and allow it. And that's the first step to getting a little bit of distance from it. When you name it, you start to get a little bit of distance from it. in your mind, feeling stressed and overwhelmed by something is, believe it or not, somewhat of a choice. And you might be having an experience of stress. There might be circumstances going on that could be stressful. but you have the option whether you want to see it as something negative, that's overwhelming you, or seeing it as a challenge, maybe, you know, how can you see this as an opportunity. So, carrying a question with you to look at that. if my goal is to be, if you start thinking to yourself - oh, but if my goal is to be loving and kind. What can I do in this moment to see this stress as opportunity and challenge and rise to that. Instead of becoming overwhelmed and submitting to the stress. also asking yourself, what's the one thing that I can do right now. the one most important thing that will make a difference in how I'm experiencing this or how I can tackle this issue. Gary Keller has this wonderful book called “The One Thing”. I love it because the whole first half of the book is all about having to take care of your wellness. I'm all about our health and wellness as a certified health and wellness coach. But the second half is also about find ing the one thing that's going to move you forward. So if you're looking at a stressful situation. What matters most. What can I do that will move me forward in this situation. so having some of those questions at the ready will help to give you the tools that you need to address a situation that might be feeling overwhelming. Cora: Yeah. I love that. our mind is an amazing thing but it can also be our downfall. we tell ourselves all kinds of stories. And I love the idea of doing one thing because it helps to quiet your mind. if you just focus on one thing at a time. we have our to do lists which are way too long, most of us. So one thing that we can do to move forward. So what are some tips for moving beyond the empty nest into purposeful action. Lauren: I just want to say I once heard, Mel Robbins talk about the to do list. And she said, You know anything more than three items is not a to do list, it's just a brain dump. you know really identifying those top priorities is so key. So what you need to do first of all, especially you know we're beyond the empty nest right now, and I want to say it's so important just to know what your triggers are what are the things that might seduce you into overwhelm. So, identifying whether it's - Oh my gosh, what am I going to do next now that the kids have gone, or who am I now am I still mommy. what does that look like. how do I make a new relationship with my adult children. having stress, around that. you know there's so many triggers that can be specific to people in the empty nest. So just being aware of what it is that might be seducing you into overwhelm instead of action. The first thing is to ask. ask those questions, ask yourself what matters most, and allowing your feelings to rise and truly listening deeply listening to what your inner voice is telling you. so that you can like push past whatever nervous resistance you have whatever seduction into overwhelm you have, and identify the things that are going to be important to move yourself forward. again whatever you might be interested in finding out what's my next move. How do I form this new relationship you know what are the key factors. like identifying what's important to you, what matters most and asking yourself those questions. then identifying the tools that you need to move forward. so do you need maybe some schooling, or further training. Do you need to join some kind of group, like maybe find a charity to participate in. Or maybe get a new job. Or maybe it's working with a coach or joining a support group, or something that can help to move you forward. so gathering the tools that you need to move you forward. Yeah, I think it's so important that, especially women, realize that this is your time. once the kids have gone. if you haven't been somebody who has really made an effort to take a starring role in your life. This is your next opportunity. I mean we're wonderful as women at being supports for everybody else in our life, I always say everybody's willing to make you a supporting character in your life, but it's time that you take the starring role in your own life. So that's so important try giving yourself permission to do all this work, to figure out how to push past the overwhelm. Cora: Yes, and I like that. Lauren: I have some resources as well for you. Cora: Great. I like that and like to say that my tagline is “Now is your time”. for women, it's a real time to discover what do we want to do next. we have that opportunity and we've raised our kids and now it's like there's a lot of time left to do something worthwhile. I love that. you said you have some stuff for us. So, as everyone can see we've got our websites running along the bottom here and Lauren's is www.lastingchangewellness.com What kinds of things can people get from you, Lauren. Lauren: Oh, so obviously I offer one on one coaching. so that's always something that people can avail themselves of and again, stop body, mind and spirit and designing your life to work for you. In this time and the time to come. B if anybody would just like a free resource. They can text the word “lastingchange” as one word to the number 22828. so it's “lastingchange” to 22828, and that will not only put you on my email list but give you an E pamphlet that I have called “321 Go”. Power questions to make the most of every day. And there are three orienting powerful orienting questions that you can really use to kind of help cut through the overwhelm. to come through and help you decide what matters most in this moment for you. so you can help identify that one thing and move forward. So that's just a free resource. Cora: Love it. Lauren: can I mentioned one more thing I haven't time yet one more. I'm also in partnership with a friend. I offer this course we just finished the first one, It's called women leading with productive curiosity five weeks from overwhelm to purposeful action. Why I picked this topic. but it's so powerful, the reviews are coming in and the people are saying it has been life changing for them. That in five weeks you can learn these skills by building those powerful questions for yourself that I was talking about, and using them to orient push through you know listen to yourself deeply and push through that resistance, push through the overwhelm, so that you can decide what's important and how to take that purposeful action. And if you go to my website you'll see there's a link for all kinds of further information or having some information sessions and all kinds of like free, and wonderful information that you can avail yourself. Cora: that's great. Thank you so much. So if you're listening, and you want more information go to Lauren's website and check that out. if you're an empty nester and you're not a part of my empty nest group yet, we'd love to have you. it's a great place to support each other and learn more about interviews that we've got coming up. So, put a “Yes” down below and we'll get you added to the group. thanks again Lauren for joining us today. And we'll see everybody next time. Get Lauren's offer: https://www.lastingchangewellness.com text LASTINGCHANGE to 22828 for free gift Join Cora's Empty Nest Facebook Group: http://bit.ly/you-beyond-the-empty-nest Book a Complimentary call with Cora: https://coranaylor.com/emptynestcoach/