Read the transcript:
Do you love how you see yourself in the mirror?
I’m Cora Naylor – Certified Co-Active Coach and Emotion Code Practitioner.
As women we tend to be very critical of how we see ourselves – but less critical of others. To help us learn how to see ourselves better I’ve invited Liza Lomax to join me today.
Liza is a Coach that specializes in body image. She helps women who have yo-yo’d with their weight. Who have tried every diet fad and are still not happy with their reflection in the mirror. She helps them heal their relationship with food and themselves. And helps them eliminate their negative self talk, so they feel beautiful and confident. Welcome Liza!
Liza: Thank you. I'm so happy to be here. Cora: I'm excited cuz we know. we were just talking a few minutes before we got on here about, I think some stores need to change up the mirrors that they have to make us feel a little bit better. Liza: Yes, they do. It's like we go into these places and we're spending money at their places and their facilities and they should at least put some effort into the changing rooms. getting nice mirrors and the lighting, it's like the lighting is this horrible fluorescent just draining ugly like looking, it makes us makes us feel really bad. you know when we go and we try on swimsuits especially women we try on swimsuits and we try on jeans we try and any kind of clothes, and we're trying them on in these places, and the lighting, you know, is horrible, the mirrors are horrible, but we internalize it as we're horrible and we look bad when it has nothing to do with us. it has to do with them, not putting in the effort to make it feel welcoming and inviting to come and try on their clothes. Cora: So maybe you can tell us a little bit of how you got started. because I love this, your title as a body image coach, that's just a little bit different than a lot of people that are either doing like life coach or health and wellness coach. What made you pick that name and how did that. How did you get started. Liza: well, so I've had my own. I have my own transformational story and I wasn't telling my story. And once I started doing that, I realized, wait a minute, there's a lot of women out there that struggle with body image, and you can be a size two or size 22, and it does not matter. You still have, you know, those limiting beliefs, those behaviors, those stories that you created in your head, since you were children that reflects how you feel about yourself as an adult. it's that not good enough story that not worthy story. I had that story I had, you know, I came from a very religious household. And you had to look a certain way and dress a certain way and be a certain way and act a certain way. And when you weren't that way you know as children we try to fix them. And when we can't fix them we try to do it over and over and over and over. then we become adults where we're completely messed up in the head because we're constantly comparing ourselves to other people or we don't think that we're good enough. We're not special enough, we're not pretty enough. We can't wear a little black dress because our body doesn't look like this or we can't be up on stage speaking because my voice isn't loud enough, or my voice isn't big enough, which, those are all those beliefs, and those habits and those behaviors and stories that we essentially have taken on from our environment. because a lot of our behaviors I learned from NLP my NLP training that a lot of our behaviors aren't even ours, you know, they come from, you know, our parents, siblings, the people around us or environment. So my own personal story is, you know, because I was raised in a very, very religious household. Um, you know I suffer from two EDS I had anorexia and I had overeating so binge eating. so I would binge eat. But I literally went from one end of the spectrum to the other. I was super super skinny at a certain age and then it was like a light bulb went off and I'm like, this isn't working for me. I'm depressed, I have anxiety, I have all these issues, I'm just gonna eat my emotions. And so by the time I was 26 I was 300 pounds. I was borderline diabetic. I had high cholesterol, high blood pressure, the doctor told me that I was gonna die if I didn't lose weight. at the time I had a two year old and he's like well in the next three years, you probably won't be around till he's when he turns five. I was like oh my gosh I have to do something. I'm like I want to live to see my son grow old, grow up. So I'll lose the weight.so I lost 105 pounds in 13 months. I didn't change my mindset. And so I continued to yo yo and yo yo and yo yo. I didn't change those those mindsets those limiting beliefs that that those behaviors Prior to that. hat's where we get the yo yo dieting because we're not handling those mindsets first before we go and we start a diet or we start an exercise program or what if we want to lose weight. women come to me all the time and they're like, I want to lose weight I want to lose weight. Well, we'll lose weight but what's really the underlying issue here and it's always that not good enough story. It's always I don't feel worthy, I don't feel good enough. And so, I lost the weight, and I continue to yo yo, and it was about five six years later that I literally hit rock bottom. I was addicted to every single diet pill, you could ever imagine. I've tried them all. I've tried those shakes, I've tried powders. I've tried so many ones. you know you open up the magazines and you see the ads for the diet pills, and take this diet pill and you'll look like this, or take this and you'll be like this. there's always something that we're trying to fix, we're trying to fix, we're trying to fix, and we don't fix the internal first. So hitting rock bottom. I was addicted to pills, I was a heavy drinker. I did things to my body nobody should ever ever do themselves. I was very rough on myself I would you know I would overeat. And then I would take laxatives. I would eat and eat and eat and I would take laxatives. You know the mirror was a huge thing for me in fact I do a talk on “Making the Mirror your Friend”, and how we can make the mirror your friend and there were times in my life. I punched mirrors because I did not like what I saw. And I suffer from body dysmorphia so I would literally look in the mirror and I would see a monster. I wouldn't see my reflection. what everybody else sees. what I see now. you know, I knew, I hit rock bottom and whether you believe in God, higher source, higher power whatever it is - that you believe in I really truly believe that God was telling me that I needed to change and I needed to take care of myself. so I took a step back and I'm like okay I've been a people pleaser, I've been a doormat. I've been a caregiver and I've given so much of myself to everybody else. I valued my worth ,what other people thought of me how they treated me like dirt. I thought that's what I was. And so I based on everything that everybody thought about me I was thinking, well, that must just be me and this is all I deserve. And so taking that step back and realizing that, because I've done all these things. I am a giver and I'm a lover, I'm a lover of love, I love to love people, I love to give love, I love to show people how to love. But I wasn't loving myself. And I was like, okay, am I supposed to be loving myself is this how this game of life works. Well we know Yes, that's how it works. We need to love ourselves. We can't truly love another person till we love ourselves. so it set me on this journey. I'm like oh my gosh I'm like there's got to be other women that struggle out there. there's got to be other women that have similar stories that need my help. I knew my mission in this world was to help women love themselves and love their bodies. And so I went and I got certified in so many different modalities and different things because I need to have all these tools in my toolbox, so that I can get those tools to other people. so I can show them how to use these tools going forward. So they're not 60, 70, 80 years worrying about what they look like in the mirror and still worrying about what they look like to the world. I knew that there were other women out there that struggled so that's kind of around about what where I came. why I'm doing what I'm doing .and why I do what I do now. I mean I literally I talk the talk I walk the walk, I've been there I've done that and know the struggle. You know, and being in now my son is 19 so I'm an empty nester .Yeah, technically, you know. Yeah I know I probably don't look old enough to have a 19 year old but I'm like I tell people like I have an adult child, they're like, what, how old are you, trust me I had him at a decent age I was 25 I'm in my mid 40s. Yes, I'm an empty nester now. Cora: for a lot of women they haven't necessarily been looking after themselves while they're raising their kids. so that's why I like working with empty nesters. that's really a time to start focusing on yourself again for everything, and health is number one. a lot of women kind of complain that oh life's over at 50 but in reality, the average age for women is into your 80s, so we have a lot of years left and it's really important we're looking after ourselves so that we have healthy years left. Liza: I tell women it's not selfish it's self preservation. Yeah, it's like you have to put the oxygen mask on yourself. if we don't do that we don't take care of ourselves first we can't take care of other people around us. even children, women with younger children too. we go through a huge period of our life where we don't take care of ourselves, because we're taking care of everybody else, and everybody else matters. I have to take care of my spouse, have to take care of my kids I have to take care of the world around me, so I'm going to put my life on the back burner. I mean, no we don't we need to put ourselves on the front burner. we need to take care of ourselves. because that in turn takes care of everybody else around us. we get that turned around in our brains. Cora: it might be a bit awkward at first if they're not used to it but it is really important. So how do you help women that are having problems looking in the mirror. what are some suggestions that you have to help them be a little friendlier with the mirror. Liza: like I said I struggled a long time with the mirror, that was a huge thing for me. And when I started doing my transformation going through my transformation and seeing myself in the mirror for the first time. I literally had to ask somebody standing next to me - Who was that person? because I didn't believe it was me. And I was like, wow, who's that beautiful person in the mirror. I can't believe that's me that can't be me. who is that? you know it's just like I was just this eye opening moment. And now I look at myself in the mirror and I'm patting myself on the back because of how far I've come. then I'm able to look at myself in the mirror and not nitpick at every single little thing that we see. because that's what we do. we go to the mirror and we're nitpicking every single little thing. I'm getting gray hair, I gotta dye my hair ,I'm getting wrinkles, I gotta get Botox. finding all these ways to fix ourselves, and not accept ourselves for just who we are as women we age. we're going to age, we're going to get older, it's going to happen it's inevitable. So just embracing it and loving it and loving yourself. But some of the exercises I do because I do a talk called “Making The Mirror your friend”. some of the exercises I do is tell them. One simple exercise is to tell yourself. I love you in the mirror every day for a couple weeks, and just see how it affects the world around you. You know it's gonna be really weird at first. it's gonna feel kind of awkward telling ourselves,.but we tell ourselves if we say I love you to so many other people around us. Why is it so hard for us to say it to ourselves, it shouldn't be that hard, we are our own best friend. We are the most important person. We're the gonna be with each other for the rest of our lives. so why not love ourselves and tell ourselves I love you. it's so powerful, and you don't even realize it. and you after a couple weeks, you're like, wow, you know I've gained more confidence. I'm able to go and try on a swimsuit and not have to worry about what the lighting looks like. it's like if you just remember the lighting is just crappy the mirrors are just crappy. if you feel good in it, then don't let everything else, environment, affect. Cora: Yeah, it's so powerful. saying affirmations or I love you in the mirror to yourself, because we don't do that. even when you just do it and not look in the mirror it's not the same as looking yourself in the mirror. It's like it's not. Yeah, because we're so we were so critical of ourselves and kind of keeping that in mind to this, you know, would you tell your best friend that. And if you won't tell your best friend that why would you tell you that. Liza Right, what gives you the right to say that to yourself. if you don't say that to your best friend. You shouldn't be saying it to yourself. You are your own best friend. This is the only body we're going to get. This is the only this body is the only body we're going to get right now. So love it and cherish it and take care of it and love it for just the way it comes. you can change it .you can make small changes here and there, and that's fine that's great but if you don't make any changes, that's great too. Just learning to accept yourself, and it's it's really hard when we've been programmed to believe that we need to look a certain way and dress a certain way and act that certain way and be that certain way it's really hard to to reframe and retrain. that's what I do I work on reframing and retraining those limiting beliefs and those behaviors, and those patterns and those stories and create new ones. and help them create new ones. Cora: Oh that's so awesome. And be easy on ourselves. we're so hard on ourselves for so many things, you know, and especially if it's something we've been doing for a long time and now you're 50 something and it's you know it's not going to change overnight. Liza: Yeah, so I have a lot of women that do come to me or are in their mid 40s - 40s to 60s because they're like I've had enough. I'm tired of like worrying about what I look like I just need to like love myself and accept myself, can you please help me. So my tagline that I use is like “can you stand in front of the mirror naked and totally accept yourself”? Accept the reflection that you see. And if you can't - come see me, because I can help you with that. Cora: Great, well that's a good way to end it off here. and just as we're watching for people if you can see I've got Liza's website here below so lizalomax.com. If you do want to get in touch with her feel free to send her a message. like I say she's lived the story so she's not just somebody out there who's passionate about it. She's been there herself so that's very powerful for others that are going through the same thing. And if you're an empty nester, I've got an empty nester group on Facebook, we'd love to have you join us so just comment below with a “yes” and we'll get you added in. you can be supported by other women empty nesters going through the same thing, and get notified of other interviews that we've got coming up. So thanks again Liza for being on the show today, you have an amazing story. we'll see everybody soon. Contact Liza – www.lizalomax.com Join Cora's Empty Nest Facebook Group: http://bit.ly/you-beyond-the-empty-nest